First, Daddy had the sniffles and felt like a ton of bricks was weighing him down. Then came Mikey with the runny nose and the fussy sleepytimes. Last came Mommy with the virus brewing inside her, having a hard time with a clogged throat and a terrible headache.
We are all still feeling a little sick. Ugh. I'm really praying we all get better soon.
I wonder how my mom did it. That no matter how bad a cold my brother and I catch and no matter how terribly sick we get, my mom never got sick. My mom never caught our bug. My mom was such a great mom. She really knew how to take care of us. She prepared the best meals and bought us nice clothes despite her tight budget. She always thought of us and our safety. She sacrificed so many years of her life for us. She fought for us and endured the cruelty that was my father.
Our relationship as mother and daughter was incomparable. But now, I can't say the same about us anymore.
I wonder when she will be happy and satisfied about me and my family. I wonder when her heartbreaks I seemingly cause stop. I wonder when she would stop complaining about me and criticizing the things that I do and share it with people she doesn't know very well. I wonder how I could find out things like that and not get hurt. I wonder how I could once again become acceptable in her eyes.
I've been nursing a heartache a couple of nights now. How does that happen? That no matter how sweet I am to her, no matter what good thing I share with her...I would always always find out that she's still not happy. I would still find out from other people that she's still saying things against me - that I never do the right thing with my son and I always hurt her feelings.
Normally, it would take a week or more for me to get over something like this. But now, I choose not to let it brew any longer. I send her messages like I didn't hear anything from other people. I act like nothing happened. That everything is happy and bright. It is, after all, her right to feel what she wants to feel and to think what she wants to think. I want to respect that.
So what does a girl do when she prefers not to go crazy over something? Or specifically, what do I do to stay sane nowadays? Hello, Michael Scofield. Be my hero. I turn to my trusty player, TV and remote and drown the sorrow away with a heart-pounding marathon of Prison Break, which, by the way, is just freaking amazing. I love cool geeks! Yeah! I mean hot ones.
